Day Twenty Nine

chandelier

Well it has finally happened…..one of my closest friends has turned thirty today. I’m all that’s left holding onto my 20s. Three weeks left, and counting. I started with seven weeks, seven & three are the numbers I am claiming as lucky. These first four weeks have been a little slow, non? That means the next three need to be kicked up to eleven.

Today was going to be the day that I told three of my closer friends that my love and I are moving. That I have not been feeling that great mentally, and that it hurt me that they have never really followed up on how I have been feeling. Instead we are going to a big birthday dinner in honor of the big 3-0 and I have decided to let it go. I’ve said it before, but it still gnaws at me. I hate that it gnaws at me. I will be letting go of those feelings. Regret for telling them anything at all, guilt that my crazy has changed the way they look at me, guilt that I care if they see me differently after being open and honest with some of my closest confidants. I’m moving on. I have to. I am not going to tell them about the move until we go out another time – I don’t want to steal my girl’s thunder on her birthday.

Also, I’m a little nervous to tell them because I have a bad feeling about a few of their likely reactions. I’ve been keeping this exciting and big news pretty low key because I don’t want to be asked how it’s going, when, where, etc. I don’t want to hear objections and suggestions. I just want everyone we tell to be super happy for us and nothing more. Because that is what I always am for their big life decisions and changes.

Anyway. I finally started reading Elaine Lui’s Listen to the Squawking Chicken today. God, she is so funny. If I could have any trait, it would be Lainey’s ability to write. To me creative talents like writing – are gifted to people. You are born with it. Sure you can practice and get better – but few people are truly gifted at expressing themselves in thought-provoking pose. Words are powerful and I am jealous of those who easily control them.

Aside from the dinner, being the last to turn thirty and reading the first chapter of a great new book – today will hold another first. I will make sure of it. And I will fill in all the gory details tomorrow because for the first time – I have this post written twelve hours before deadline.

UPDATE: My last first came when I was challenged to a beer chugging contest with two of my best friends – admittedly I was goaded on by a couple of shots and my very first time ever order of bourbon on the rocks. I will still conquer bourbon this year. Anyway; I was confident – then one friend started talking herself up a bit. I got a little nervous, but I still had a good feeling that I would walk away the champion. And I did. I finished my 16 oz Miller Lite in about four seconds – dominating the competition and revealing for the first time my favorite not-so-great-I-don’t-know-that-this-is-something-to-be-proud-of  talent of excellence in beer chugging to friends I have known for years. Stay classy.

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