Day Twenty Four

Mi

What does it mean then you dread going home the last hour of your nine and a half hour drive to get there? I love being with my love, I love my stupid cats, I love what we do together in our home but I hate the neighbors and neighborhood. I hate the winters. I hate how crappy the roads are and how all summer we will deal with constructions just to drive for two – four weeks without orange cones before the snow starts again. I hate how long the winters are and how depressed I get during the endless grey winter days. I hate that I use the word hate so much to describe my home – but when something makes me feel so miserable, there is no other word. I’m not a “don’t like” person – I hate it. Within twenty minutes of being home I was in a dark and miserable state of mind when only three hours ago I remember being in a fantastically happy and blissful mood thinking of what a great trip we had and what a crazy good weekend of firsts it was.

I think it means that I am truly ready to move on. Change of location has to occur in order to make any real progress in creative work endeavors, in living a happier and more fulfilled existence. Basically I feel like I have to move to complete my journey of moving onto a better version of myself. I know that can be a dangerous line of thought – “if I ______ I will be happier”. We all do this. We fill in the blank with lose weight, move, get married, get divorced, change jobs, change my hair. We all trick ourselves into believing that one simple thing will be a cure all for our issues. I do this all the time. But today for the first time I really, wholly and to my bones felt that Michigan has no hold for me anymore. I love my friends and family. I will miss them. However, I don’t mind calling, texting, skyping, flying or driving to see them. I do mind being so unhappy thinking about going home. About not having a f$&!ing month in the next twelve of decent driving on decent roads to look forward to. While I do believe that it can be dangerous when we put all of our hope into one change changing everything – I also strongly believe that sometimes we cannot complete the progress we set out to make without a drastic change. It has to happen soon.

On to happier subjects, we did have a great weekend, we did score a ton of sweet Jack White, Whirlwind Heat and Third Man Records swag. We did have very good drives both ways, no issues. We had literally the most perfect weather we could have asked for – sunny, low to no humidity and mid-70s. My skin actually cooperated and is beginning to look better after only a couple of days of finally turning to slathering it with Vaseline – so I didn’t feel like a leper the whole trip. We had a great time hitting up Two Bits for some arcade action, tasty local brews and cajun tots and house made thin-cut waffle chips. We hit up Taco Mamacitas for some delicious vegan avocado and plantain tacos and cheap Mexican beers. We even met an adorable little dachshund named Heintz – that stole my heart I might add – at the Filling Station when we were getting a growler of yummy Stiegl Radler (an Austrian beer brewed with grapefruit soda – omg it’s delicious).

All in all a fantastic weekend trip.

One I would highly recommend.

One I plan to continue to recreate in some way or another for the rest of my life.

I don’t want to hate going home – so we will move soon.

I love to travel – so we will.

I love spending time with my love – so I will.

I’m tired and want to go to bed now – so goodnight.

Day Nineteen

bloodmn

I think I have a cold. It is the first day of illness this year. Blech!

Last night was the first of four blood moon eclipses we will be able to see over the next eighteen months. We didn’t see it, however, because it was snowing. That’s right; today Detroit woke up to 3 inches of snow – on f#%&ing April 15th – and that means we set the record for the snowiest winter season ever. We are number one! FML. Why is that a point of pride for people? Just because we didn’t break the record before last night’s snow – doesn’t mean no one would have believed us that this winter sucked a$$. Can’t we just remember that it sucked for a lot of people the world over? Never.

I swear, waking up on tax day (which really means nothing to me since I did ours like two months ago), seeing three inches of snow, the temperature outside being 42° less than 24 hours ago and feeling like slow moving crap all day at work, you’d think I would fall apart in my fragile mental state. Right? Well I didn’t. It doesn’t really work like that. Today was a pretty good day despite all the cold and a strengthening cold.

I’ve been adding items to my bucket list. I hate that phrase – it makes me think of that horrible Tim Allen movie. Isn’t that who stars in it? I mean, I never saw it but ya know. That’s what pops in my head. I’ll start calling it my life list. Things to look forward to living for.