Day Twenty Four

Mi

What does it mean then you dread going home the last hour of your nine and a half hour drive to get there? I love being with my love, I love my stupid cats, I love what we do together in our home but I hate the neighbors and neighborhood. I hate the winters. I hate how crappy the roads are and how all summer we will deal with constructions just to drive for two – four weeks without orange cones before the snow starts again. I hate how long the winters are and how depressed I get during the endless grey winter days. I hate that I use the word hate so much to describe my home – but when something makes me feel so miserable, there is no other word. I’m not a “don’t like” person – I hate it. Within twenty minutes of being home I was in a dark and miserable state of mind when only three hours ago I remember being in a fantastically happy and blissful mood thinking of what a great trip we had and what a crazy good weekend of firsts it was.

I think it means that I am truly ready to move on. Change of location has to occur in order to make any real progress in creative work endeavors, in living a happier and more fulfilled existence. Basically I feel like I have to move to complete my journey of moving onto a better version of myself. I know that can be a dangerous line of thought – “if I ______ I will be happier”. We all do this. We fill in the blank with lose weight, move, get married, get divorced, change jobs, change my hair. We all trick ourselves into believing that one simple thing will be a cure all for our issues. I do this all the time. But today for the first time I really, wholly and to my bones felt that Michigan has no hold for me anymore. I love my friends and family. I will miss them. However, I don’t mind calling, texting, skyping, flying or driving to see them. I do mind being so unhappy thinking about going home. About not having a f$&!ing month in the next twelve of decent driving on decent roads to look forward to. While I do believe that it can be dangerous when we put all of our hope into one change changing everything – I also strongly believe that sometimes we cannot complete the progress we set out to make without a drastic change. It has to happen soon.

On to happier subjects, we did have a great weekend, we did score a ton of sweet Jack White, Whirlwind Heat and Third Man Records swag. We did have very good drives both ways, no issues. We had literally the most perfect weather we could have asked for – sunny, low to no humidity and mid-70s. My skin actually cooperated and is beginning to look better after only a couple of days of finally turning to slathering it with Vaseline – so I didn’t feel like a leper the whole trip. We had a great time hitting up Two Bits for some arcade action, tasty local brews and cajun tots and house made thin-cut waffle chips. We hit up Taco Mamacitas for some delicious vegan avocado and plantain tacos and cheap Mexican beers. We even met an adorable little dachshund named Heintz – that stole my heart I might add – at the Filling Station when we were getting a growler of yummy Stiegl Radler (an Austrian beer brewed with grapefruit soda – omg it’s delicious).

All in all a fantastic weekend trip.

One I would highly recommend.

One I plan to continue to recreate in some way or another for the rest of my life.

I don’t want to hate going home – so we will move soon.

I love to travel – so we will.

I love spending time with my love – so I will.

I’m tired and want to go to bed now – so goodnight.

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Day Twenty Three

rsd blog

Once again I know I’m late getting this posted but whatever. I thought of my post all day so that still counts right? If not, too bad. Here goes.

This was a day of many many firsts. So many awesome firsts in fact that I’m not so sure I can do them all justice in this post.

For starters, today was Record Store Day 2014; the seventh RSD and with seven being one of my new lucky numbers – I feel like that was a good sign from the start. This seventh RSD my love and I started early from our Nashville hotel (we were on the seventh floor btw) to make our way to Third Man Records. We arrived to see a fairly large crowd queuing for their copy of The World’s Fastest Record and for the ten o’clock show we ourselves had two tickets for. Once we’d queued for about an hour we were shuffled in to the Blue Room sound studio to settle in for our first time seeing Jack White together.

The show was amazing, there are few words for what an outstanding showman, guitarist, singer et al he really is. Mr. White and his band warmed us up with a live version of High Ball Stepper before jamming out the live recorded direct to acetate versions of Lazareto and Elvis’ Power of My Love that were whisked away for pressing. We were treated to an hour long show spanning White Stripes hits Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground, Hello Operator & Hotel Yorba to tracks from Blunderbuss (Freedom at 21, Weep Themselves to Sleep and Love Interruption) and a few new songs off his upcoming album. It was our first time hearing Three Women, Just One Drink and Would You Fight for My Love. We were twenty feet from the man himself and I don’t think we will quickly forget how lucky we were to be there today.

We left the show, grabbed a free free beers in the courtyard courtesy of Yazoo Brewing, grabbed some delicious iced tea and strawberry mint lemonade from Bang Candy Company and waited a bit to get into the TMR store to buy some sweet swag. While in line we spotted a dude from Criminal Minds – I don’t really know who but I know my mom watches that show and will be pumped to hear we spotted him. We even got a few goodies from the TMR Rolling Record Store.

Our next first came before we went in for our second show of the day. I met Terry Richardson it was awkward because he didn’t even try to sleep with me, but I met him and grabbed a picture too. The last first I will write of today was seeing and hearing Whirlwind Heat for the first time. Holy sh%t have I been missing an awesome band. They tore up the stage, my ears and my musical heart. It was like listening to an early, visceral White Stripes.

As we reluctantly left the Blue Room for the second and last time today we grabbed our copies of the World’s Fastest Record and the re-release of Do Rabbits Wonder? by Whirlwind Heat. Such an awesome day of firsts.

There will be more to come tomorrow from the road home. For now, goodnight from Nashville.

 

RSD14 aka Best Day Ever Track-List:

High Ball Stepper

Lazaretto

Power of My Love

Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground

Freedom at 21

Three Women

Weep Themselves to Sleep

Love Interruption

Hello Operator

Just One Drink

Hotel Yorba

Would You Fight for My Love

Day Twenty Two

Tn

So today’s post is way behind. I get it. But it’s the first thought up and written from the road – so give me a break! Nashville has been kind so far – 2/$3.50 Yuengling tall boys. Do you understand how lucky you are Yuengling states!?! Ugh!!! Any way; we checked in and settled in and are super pumped for the Bug show tomorrow. RSD14!!!!

First time eating at a Loving Hut in the US. Only other time was in Paris – super delicious and the cheesecake alone is worth a trip to Cincinnati just in case anyone is wondering. Don’t even get me started on the vegan mac’n’cheese I wanted to bathe in.

Day Seventeen

apartment

This was a crazy weekend. I feel like so many of my weeks blur together and I’m not really sure what day it is. Today felt like a Sunday – and it was. It was a beautiful day here. Sunny, slightly breezy, a bit of cloud cover to keep the temperature moderate and a first taste of that famous humidity that plagues so many summer days in Michigan. For maybe a week or more I have been picturing very clearly a future home for my husband and I. Just a very specific section of a living room. I don’t know if it’s in Portland or Paris or London or Tokyo or even somewhere in the Maldives. I just know that it feels like home. I am happy and comfortable picturing it and I want to be there.

This is the first time in my memorable past (aka maybe ten-fifteen years) that I have so vividly pictured a future for myself that it feels like I am there. Like it is tactile, already my reality and I have lived it. There’s a fuzzy feeling of contentment that feels right. Maybe it was just a dream that I am remembering. Maybe my subconscious is sapping this vision from a movie or show or an immersive description in a book. But it doesn’t feel like that. It feels original, and all my own. It feels so good to be able to claim a vision of my future life. It just feels great to want a future at all.

Suicide has such an awful stigma attached to it. Unfortunately that stigma makes it hard for me to even write that I have contemplated suicide as much as I have these past few years. The first reaction of some family and friends (the grand total is eight btw) that I have spoken to is anger. A “how dare you” attitude that only compounds how shitty and nervous I feel about talking to anyone (let alone a friend who claims to love me) about these thoughts and feelings. Another reaction is disbelief – “really? you? you always have it together though. you’re so strong.” Like this is something I would lie about. If you know me enough to think me strong and together – then know me enough to believe what I am saying to you right now. One of the hardest parts when telling family and friends is you can practically feel the crazy brand being burned into your forehead. Never again do they seem to ask “how are you?” and really mean it. The questions are always direct; “how is your mom doing? how is your husband? how is your work going?” A truly, deep-down heartfelt “how are you?”  seems to be off the menu. You know what I mean right? Someone asks you something they might know the answer to but they just really want you to honestly talk to them – and whatever you say they will hear it and love you the same at the end of your answer as they did eight months ago before you branded your forehead with i’m a f#%&ing crazy mess.

I am a f#%&ing crazy mess – a fistful of it. But I also have a really clear picture of a home I want to create and exist in. I want that future and that is a really f#%&ing great first for today.

Day Seven

tmr

Today was a great day. I did some baking, had an awesome time with friends, played some pogs circa 1995, watched Tremors – all in all the makings of an awesome day.

Now for my first for the last day of my first week (what the what).

My love and I scored tickets to see Jack White perform in the Blue Room at Third Man Records in Nashville on Record Store Day. There are not words to explain how much I am looking forward to this. For a while now I’ve been bumming that we don’t have any vacation plans this year, no plans for my big birthday coming up, no plans for our lucky seventh anniversary this summer. And voila – this morning TMR announces this crazy small show, with an extremely limited number of tickets, to see Jack White perform his new single live in the Blue Room on Record Store Day, April 19th 2014, and wait as the live recording is pressed locally and handed out to the audience within hours. It is set to be the world’s fastest record and we will be there for it all.

By the way, can we talk for a minute about Jack White? Do you realize how much of an influence he has had on the music scene these past 13 years? From Jay-Z to Loretta Lynn, musicians want to work with him. He is arguably one of the top ten greatest guitarists of all time, he is imaginative, he becomes his characters and albums. He is all power, and talent, and volume, and charisma. Yet he is cinsistantly just under the radar of mainstream music. He is a musician’s musician.

In just over two weeks we will be in Nashville to see Jack White. S*&t just got real.

It is my first time planning a trip to Nashville, my first time holding tickets to see Jack White solo (I’ve seen him with The White Stripes and The Raconteurs), my love’s first time seeing Jack White perform at all. Today’s first is awesome. I am so lucky to be going, to be with the love of my life, and to have this life.

Today was a great day.