Day Forty Eight

wisteria

Yesterday my love and I posted our few nicer pieces of furniture on Craigslist – and today we got our first bite! That’s not my first of the day, but still pretty exciting. Today was the first day that I really regretted not doing more on this crazy mission of firsts. It’s been weeks, and I still have some major crossing off to do on the old Life List I put together. Sky diving, visiting exotic locals, passing the Japanese Language Proficiency Exam, all sorts of big checks to administer still. Yet, if there is anything these weeks have taught me – it’s to chill the f-ck out, to appreciate every day for whatever it is and offers and to look forward to living and checking those items off. I have really started to look at my madness and how I fit into the world differently. With that in mind, my inner geek wants to kick it to some of my favorite Harry Potter quotes…because I wasn’t teary eyed enough today.

 

it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be

it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live

it is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities

Day Thirty One

orchid

Well I’ve made it into the thirties – no meltdowns yet. Not anything major at least.

Today was another training day for me. I had yoga from 7:30-15:30 and it actually went really well. Although, I think knowing that I am like four training days away from this being over with helps a lot with that sentiment. But today’s first was that I followed through on my promise to myself to just not really give a sh!t. I mean – I was nervous and not really looking forward to today – because I just want it over with – however I did at the end of the day lead two classes two separate times. Once for all of five minutes, but another (that I actually helped to create) for about fifteen and I was recorded for my own future reference. I was nervous, but I smiled, didn’t worry about slip ups and mistakes and just soldiered through. I received excellent feedback.

Boom! That’s how you drop the mic!

No seriously though, public speaking has always been a huge issue for me. Basically any situation where I will or can make a fool of myself – I have always avoided. In the past thirty one days I have played soccer and basketball with my husband (for the first time; again – I tend to avoid things I am not good at because I assume the day will end up with me being laughed at), I have led two different yoga groups and I have started to be a lot more honest (still in as nice a way as possible) with friends and family.

I think I am finally starting to see how I can control my fears, trepidations and shortcomings. I can conquer them with sheer will and by absolutely refusing to let me hold me back. I need to continue working towards the person I am meant to be – crushing one fear, barrier and negative thought at a time.

Life is too damned short.

 

 

Well you’re in your little room
and you’re working on something good
but if it’s really good
you’re gonna need a bigger room
and when you’re in the bigger room
you might not know what to do
you might have to think of
how you got started
sitting in your little room

Little Room by The White Stripes