Day Thirty Nine

snaking

I am so f#%&ing exhausted. For the first time since I started this madness, I have a ton to say and am too tired to say it. I will return in the morning with more.

Update: Sorry about that. Yesterday was spent cleaning out the basement, kitchen, closets and more for our garage sale this weekend. I felt so exhausted and overwhelmed by the amount of stuff we have – for the first time I got really pissed about it too. In comparison to a lot of friends and family members we really don’t have that much – but to me – it’s like an avalanche of junk.

And the dots are finally connecting as to why I love yin yoga so much. Yin is a place you come to to deal with your sh!t. Not only the physical sh!t you have put your body through (injuries, stress, nutrition deficiencies) but all the mental sh!t you have pent up too. Now seeing all this stuff that we own and want to sell – I fully understand how much I am facing to get to a better place. And honestly, that pissed me off. I ended the day in a fairly sour mood just thinking of the amount of time and money I have spent on all of the material possessions that are now haunting every nook and cranny I peek into. But I also decided late last night (once I had given up trying to sleep for a bit) that I will no longer regret what I have done in my past. I will not dwell on it. It is the past and it will always be there. I have made those decisions and they have made me who I am today – for better or worse – and I am going to work ok being ok with that.

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
-Theodore Roosevelt

Day Twenty Seven

jareth

With our upcoming move – we have decided to start selling our things. This has been under discussion for some time now – the amount of stuff we have is not hoarders crazy, but enough that it feels like a heavy weight on our shoulders – holding us back. We’ve had some serious dialogues¬†about selling everything over the past few months –¬†but today,, for the first time, it really hit me. I hate our stuff. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love how our home looks, I love a lot of the individual pieces of furniture, I love a lot of the books, cds and movies we’ve kept after several downsizings, it’s just that I hate how tied to our current location all the stuff makes me feel. It really is a weight holding us to this plot of the earth.

I want to be many people by the end of my life. I want to live many places. Sometimes I feel like that creepy garbage lady in Labyrinth – you know when Sarah ends up in what she thinks is her room after the ballroom/party hallucination? It’s like I’ve always been collecting it & carrying it on my back. God I love that movie. David Bowie….mmmm….Our stuff needs to go.