The First Fortnight

blog scorn

Today marks two weeks of being 30, and there is no real difference. Age really is just a number after all. I had a fantastic birthday, spent time with my love, explored some of our favorite haunts in Detroit and even received an awesome birthday message from my favorite, Lainey Gossip. All in all – it was a fantastic day. The past 14 days have been busy, said good bye to Ann Arbor (for now) with a visit last weekend, and tonight is my big teaching practicum final for yoga training. In roughly eight hours you will likely hear a huge sigh of relief emanating from Rochester Michigan. In the morning I take my final written test and hopefully by eight on Sunday night I will be a certified RYT-200 yoga teacher. Fingers crossed and a drum roll please, I cannot wait for this twelve month (is that all!?!) journey to come to a close. I am super nervous. Anxiety is threatening to choke me sometimes and yet I have a tremendous sense of calm thinking that no matter what, the following truths will hold. I will not be perfect – but no one is. I will deliver a decent class – I have practiced too much not to. I will face my (sometimes) greatest fear of speaking in front of people and possibly making an utter fool of myself – all while most people in the world face things that are much scarier every second of their lives.

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Day Thirty Eight

candles

Happy Star Wars Day! How did you celebrate? I had yoga training all day but I just finished Episode IV with my love and a couple of cocktails. The perfect end to a long day.

I am quickly closing in on 30. It has been a long few weeks, a lot of introspection, acceptance, moving on. There is still a long way to go.

Today was the first day that I allowed myself to get really excited about finishing yoga. I mean I have been excited but it has always felt more like – it’s going to be over with and then I can move on. Today that changed. I really felt like I could see the conclusion, I am excited about it, I am nervous about it, but mostly I am super proud of the progress I have made and super excited to finally realize this accomplishment. It feels like it will mean a lot more to me then just a piece of paper saying I am certified. This has been a gigantic stumbling block for me this past year. It has always lingered at the back of my mind, hanging over my head, holding me down and making me feel ridiculously guilty (for the cost, the not finishing it last year like I planned and wanted to, the fact that I hadn’t just stuck it out – I can always find ways to turn anything into a failure and then use it against myself). I am even looking forward to putting together my very own yin yoga flow, teaching part of it next week and being filmed, and the big final in a few weeks. In one month I should be certified.

May the Fourth Be With You indeed!

Day Thirty One

orchid

Well I’ve made it into the thirties – no meltdowns yet. Not anything major at least.

Today was another training day for me. I had yoga from 7:30-15:30 and it actually went really well. Although, I think knowing that I am like four training days away from this being over with helps a lot with that sentiment. But today’s first was that I followed through on my promise to myself to just not really give a sh!t. I mean – I was nervous and not really looking forward to today – because I just want it over with – however I did at the end of the day lead two classes two separate times. Once for all of five minutes, but another (that I actually helped to create) for about fifteen and I was recorded for my own future reference. I was nervous, but I smiled, didn’t worry about slip ups and mistakes and just soldiered through. I received excellent feedback.

Boom! That’s how you drop the mic!

No seriously though, public speaking has always been a huge issue for me. Basically any situation where I will or can make a fool of myself – I have always avoided. In the past thirty one days I have played soccer and basketball with my husband (for the first time; again – I tend to avoid things I am not good at because I assume the day will end up with me being laughed at), I have led two different yoga groups and I have started to be a lot more honest (still in as nice a way as possible) with friends and family.

I think I am finally starting to see how I can control my fears, trepidations and shortcomings. I can conquer them with sheer will and by absolutely refusing to let me hold me back. I need to continue working towards the person I am meant to be – crushing one fear, barrier and negative thought at a time.

Life is too damned short.

 

 

Well you’re in your little room
and you’re working on something good
but if it’s really good
you’re gonna need a bigger room
and when you’re in the bigger room
you might not know what to do
you might have to think of
how you got started
sitting in your little room

Little Room by The White Stripes