Today was the first time I thought about my approaching birthday with a modicum of excitement. Fear, anxiety, dread. All words I normally associate with my birthday – for the most part. And especially so with my 30th. Yet, this evening I was happy to think of spending my big day with my love. Just relaxing, maybe having a few drinks, some sweets and kicking off the next era of my life. Kicking off the new me. The me I am meant to be and have always wanted to be.
There is a beauty in learning to love life and yourself. I’m trying – I really am. I don’t want to think about death, and taking my life. It’s exhausting. It’s wasteful. There are a lot more days lately that I want to live, I want to be here and contributing to a world outside of my head.
I am excited to help people in the future. Help them pay off student loans, medical bills, car loans, mortgages. Help by talking with them, listening to their every word and offering compassion – no matter what they are going through – so they understand how loved and important they are. There are so many people left behind by friends, family, society. We need to look out each other. We need to help each other. We need to love each other.