Category: seven weeks

Day Twenty Nine

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chandelier

Well it has finally happened…..one of my closest friends has turned thirty today. I’m all that’s left holding onto my 20s. Three weeks left, and counting. I started with seven weeks, seven & three are the numbers I am claiming as lucky. These first four weeks have been a little slow, non? That means the next three need to be kicked up to eleven.

Today was going to be the day that I told three of my closer friends that my love and I are moving. That I have not been feeling that great mentally, and that it hurt me that they have never really followed up on how I have been feeling. Instead we are going to a big birthday dinner in honor of the big 3-0 and I have decided to let it go. I’ve said it before, but it still gnaws at me. I hate that it gnaws at me. I will be letting go of those feelings. Regret for telling them anything at all, guilt that my crazy has changed the way they look at me, guilt that I care if they see me differently after being open and honest with some of my closest confidants. I’m moving on. I have to. I am not going to tell them about the move until we go out another time – I don’t want to steal my girl’s thunder on her birthday.

Also, I’m a little nervous to tell them because I have a bad feeling about a few of their likely reactions. I’ve been keeping this exciting and big news pretty low key because I don’t want to be asked how it’s going, when, where, etc. I don’t want to hear objections and suggestions. I just want everyone we tell to be super happy for us and nothing more. Because that is what I always am for their big life decisions and changes.

Anyway. I finally started reading Elaine Lui’s Listen to the Squawking Chicken today. God, she is so funny. If I could have any trait, it would be Lainey’s ability to write. To me creative talents like writing – are gifted to people. You are born with it. Sure you can practice and get better – but few people are truly gifted at expressing themselves in thought-provoking pose. Words are powerful and I am jealous of those who easily control them.

Aside from the dinner, being the last to turn thirty and reading the first chapter of a great new book – today will hold another first. I will make sure of it. And I will fill in all the gory details tomorrow because for the first time – I have this post written twelve hours before deadline.

UPDATE: My last first came when I was challenged to a beer chugging contest with two of my best friends – admittedly I was goaded on by a couple of shots and my very first time ever order of bourbon on the rocks. I will still conquer bourbon this year. Anyway; I was confident – then one friend started talking herself up a bit. I got a little nervous, but I still had a good feeling that I would walk away the champion. And I did. I finished my 16 oz Miller Lite in about four seconds – dominating the competition and revealing for the first time my favorite not-so-great-I-don’t-know-that-this-is-something-to-be-proud-of  talent of excellence in beer chugging to friends I have known for years. Stay classy.

Day Twenty Eight

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garthww

Totally just watched Wayne’s World with a couple of tall boys and my love. Seriously – can we talk for a minute about how f#%&ing awesome this movie is? The Ed O’Neill, the ever gorgeous and eternally young Rob Lowe, the shwings, the Alice Cooper and obviously all of the glorious early 90s jokes that I honestly don’t think kids today would ever understand nor appreciate. That is why I will never understand nor appreciate kids today. Except my two nieces – they’re perfect and cute and awesome – all the rest I just can’t get with. Especially since they all wear the cute tiny flower print skirts and jumpers circa 1992 – wtf. Do they get how important the transition form metal to grunge really was? What it did to the music industry? To the world? I digress; it’s such a classic movie from my younger days. I mean how many of us out there know all the lyrics to Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody (and have exhibited such in our cars when we thought no one was watching) because of Wayne’s World? And it’s twenty-two years old. 

Speaking of the 90s; I made a pretty big decision today. I am going back to platinum blonde and I am going to try it myself using Manic Panic. Hahahahahaha. This will occur before my 30th and I hope it goes well. I haven’t dyed my hair in years – the cheap vegan in me – and the first time I will have bought Manic Panic since 1996 – so I was twelve – going on thirteen. And here I am twenty nine going on thirty. Awesome. 

No…Benjamin is no one’s friend; if Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he’d be pralines and dick.

Day Twenty Seven

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jareth

With our upcoming move – we have decided to start selling our things. This has been under discussion for some time now – the amount of stuff we have is not hoarders crazy, but enough that it feels like a heavy weight on our shoulders – holding us back. We’ve had some serious dialogues about selling everything over the past few months – but today,, for the first time, it really hit me. I hate our stuff. I mean don’t get me wrong, I love how our home looks, I love a lot of the individual pieces of furniture, I love a lot of the books, cds and movies we’ve kept after several downsizings, it’s just that I hate how tied to our current location all the stuff makes me feel. It really is a weight holding us to this plot of the earth.

I want to be many people by the end of my life. I want to live many places. Sometimes I feel like that creepy garbage lady in Labyrinth – you know when Sarah ends up in what she thinks is her room after the ballroom/party hallucination? It’s like I’ve always been collecting it & carrying it on my back. God I love that movie. David Bowie….mmmm….Our stuff needs to go.

Day Twenty Six

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stars worth writing about

So I just spent about twenty minutes watching old Nickelodeon videos of all the shows I watched growing up. I am so effing old. Salute Your Shorts, Doug, Hey Arnold, Pete & Pete, Rocko’s Modern Life, The Secret World of Alex Mack and of course the vast collection of Marc Summers gems. Seriously – what is up with kids programming today – that stuff was solid gold. Watch any of those shows and I guarantee you will be a happier person for it.

Now for the real content of today’s post. Today I have decided that this experiment in blogging, writing, whatever this is – will continue. I am actually really excited about it. I want to expand to fashion posts, food posts – and not just gross & poorly edited photos of food – but really delicious recipes, entertainment reviews and so on. For the first time – I have said it out loud and in the open. I want to continue blogging for the foreseeable future. I want to write and that is definitely a first. I want to improve, get more comfortable, write honestly, keep it funny (because I am – not that the past 25 days has shown it) and write something worth reading. I mean – this isn’t Salinger or anything. In fact it’s probably a little closer to Twilight level – as in mediocre amateur – but it feels great so f#%& it. I’m going to keep at it. I have not deluded myself into thinking many will read it – but if I can create something worth reading to even a few – then that will mean something to me.

 

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down to a typewriter and bleed. -Ernest Hemingway

Day Twenty Five

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kresge

As a follow up, or summary thought, to some of my pontificating yesterday; I would like to simply state the following. I think a place, a person, a thing, can all hold extremely negative energy if we let it. Sometimes it is so hard to not let the negative energy get to us, that it is no longer worth trying to be around that place, person or thing. The energy put into forgiving is simply wasted. Perhaps, it is better to just let go and move on in those cases.

And now for more exciting things. I have determined that since yesterday ended on a bit of a bitter note; today will end a little sweeter. I would like to make my first list of things I will miss when we move. Things I love about living around Detroit. It is a great city after all. And this list will include no people – obviously there is a long list of people – but let’s not get too personal. We will stick to things and places that are important to me. And since this is a first list I am limiting it to the tip-pity-top.

1. The Detroit Institute of Arts: I have been going here as long as I can remember. My dad always took me down there for special exhibits, to browse the galleries and enjoy a snack in the incomparable Kresge Court. I have always wanted to live in Kresge Court. There’s this amazing Bill Rauhauser photograph of a woman sitting in Kresge Court in the 1960s smoking a cigarette and looking absolutely, perfectly unhappy, bored, beautiful. Needless to say I want to be her when I live in Kresge Court. I can then write a book about my adventures while living as a stow away in the best art museum on the planet – hands down.

2. The Growing Small Business Scene: Made in Detroit is coming back. And I’m not talking that stupid Kid Rock line – thats a little too trailer for me. I’m talking Shinola watches, bikes and leather goods. I’m talking street wear labels like The Handsome Fox, Burn Rubber Detroit and The Dirt Label. Bad ass home furnishings by Rail & Anchor and Scout that support local companies and artists as well as major designers.

3. The Burgeoning Hipster Vegan/Beverage Scene: There are some seriously delicious and shady vegan-friendly places popping up all around the city. From Seva, to Detroit Vegan Soul Food and PJ’s Lager House (where I totally used to underage drink about ten $1 PBRs a night). There is Avalon Bakery, Great Lakes Coffee Company and the ever refreshing Majestic Complex eateries the Majestic Cafe and good old Sgt. Pepperoni’s. Oh man I almost forgot Traffic Jam & Snug and the Motor City Brewing Works, MiChigo Pizza and The WAB. So many amazing eateries, so little time.

4. The Michigan Renaissance Festival: yes, I know this is super cheesy. I don’t dress up – anymore – but again, I have been going to this since forever and I love it and I will miss it. There are some performers who have been there every year since I started going there forever ago and I will miss them. It is just good old cheesy, classic fun.

5. Tigers Games: I am not, as a rule, terribly fond of baseball. But there is just something about going to Comerica Park and enjoying a night game in the middle of summer that is just magical. Detroit is a great sports city, with somewhat douche-y fans, but they all love their teams. I never get to enjoy a cold beer and Minute Maid Frozen Lemonade at the same time – except Tigers games in the summer. And it is a delicious combo indeed.

I am greatly looking forward to our big move, but I will miss these things. And someday when I visit family and friends, my love and I will sneak into the DIA Royal Tenenbaum styles and sleep in an air vent in Kresge Court and we will be happy little bees. Look for my memoirs.

Day Twenty Four

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Mi

What does it mean then you dread going home the last hour of your nine and a half hour drive to get there? I love being with my love, I love my stupid cats, I love what we do together in our home but I hate the neighbors and neighborhood. I hate the winters. I hate how crappy the roads are and how all summer we will deal with constructions just to drive for two – four weeks without orange cones before the snow starts again. I hate how long the winters are and how depressed I get during the endless grey winter days. I hate that I use the word hate so much to describe my home – but when something makes me feel so miserable, there is no other word. I’m not a “don’t like” person – I hate it. Within twenty minutes of being home I was in a dark and miserable state of mind when only three hours ago I remember being in a fantastically happy and blissful mood thinking of what a great trip we had and what a crazy good weekend of firsts it was.

I think it means that I am truly ready to move on. Change of location has to occur in order to make any real progress in creative work endeavors, in living a happier and more fulfilled existence. Basically I feel like I have to move to complete my journey of moving onto a better version of myself. I know that can be a dangerous line of thought – “if I ______ I will be happier”. We all do this. We fill in the blank with lose weight, move, get married, get divorced, change jobs, change my hair. We all trick ourselves into believing that one simple thing will be a cure all for our issues. I do this all the time. But today for the first time I really, wholly and to my bones felt that Michigan has no hold for me anymore. I love my friends and family. I will miss them. However, I don’t mind calling, texting, skyping, flying or driving to see them. I do mind being so unhappy thinking about going home. About not having a f$&!ing month in the next twelve of decent driving on decent roads to look forward to. While I do believe that it can be dangerous when we put all of our hope into one change changing everything – I also strongly believe that sometimes we cannot complete the progress we set out to make without a drastic change. It has to happen soon.

On to happier subjects, we did have a great weekend, we did score a ton of sweet Jack White, Whirlwind Heat and Third Man Records swag. We did have very good drives both ways, no issues. We had literally the most perfect weather we could have asked for – sunny, low to no humidity and mid-70s. My skin actually cooperated and is beginning to look better after only a couple of days of finally turning to slathering it with Vaseline – so I didn’t feel like a leper the whole trip. We had a great time hitting up Two Bits for some arcade action, tasty local brews and cajun tots and house made thin-cut waffle chips. We hit up Taco Mamacitas for some delicious vegan avocado and plantain tacos and cheap Mexican beers. We even met an adorable little dachshund named Heintz – that stole my heart I might add – at the Filling Station when we were getting a growler of yummy Stiegl Radler (an Austrian beer brewed with grapefruit soda – omg it’s delicious).

All in all a fantastic weekend trip.

One I would highly recommend.

One I plan to continue to recreate in some way or another for the rest of my life.

I don’t want to hate going home – so we will move soon.

I love to travel – so we will.

I love spending time with my love – so I will.

I’m tired and want to go to bed now – so goodnight.

Day Twenty Three

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rsd blog

Once again I know I’m late getting this posted but whatever. I thought of my post all day so that still counts right? If not, too bad. Here goes.

This was a day of many many firsts. So many awesome firsts in fact that I’m not so sure I can do them all justice in this post.

For starters, today was Record Store Day 2014; the seventh RSD and with seven being one of my new lucky numbers – I feel like that was a good sign from the start. This seventh RSD my love and I started early from our Nashville hotel (we were on the seventh floor btw) to make our way to Third Man Records. We arrived to see a fairly large crowd queuing for their copy of The World’s Fastest Record and for the ten o’clock show we ourselves had two tickets for. Once we’d queued for about an hour we were shuffled in to the Blue Room sound studio to settle in for our first time seeing Jack White together.

The show was amazing, there are few words for what an outstanding showman, guitarist, singer et al he really is. Mr. White and his band warmed us up with a live version of High Ball Stepper before jamming out the live recorded direct to acetate versions of Lazareto and Elvis’ Power of My Love that were whisked away for pressing. We were treated to an hour long show spanning White Stripes hits Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground, Hello Operator & Hotel Yorba to tracks from Blunderbuss (Freedom at 21, Weep Themselves to Sleep and Love Interruption) and a few new songs off his upcoming album. It was our first time hearing Three Women, Just One Drink and Would You Fight for My Love. We were twenty feet from the man himself and I don’t think we will quickly forget how lucky we were to be there today.

We left the show, grabbed a free free beers in the courtyard courtesy of Yazoo Brewing, grabbed some delicious iced tea and strawberry mint lemonade from Bang Candy Company and waited a bit to get into the TMR store to buy some sweet swag. While in line we spotted a dude from Criminal Minds – I don’t really know who but I know my mom watches that show and will be pumped to hear we spotted him. We even got a few goodies from the TMR Rolling Record Store.

Our next first came before we went in for our second show of the day. I met Terry Richardson it was awkward because he didn’t even try to sleep with me, but I met him and grabbed a picture too. The last first I will write of today was seeing and hearing Whirlwind Heat for the first time. Holy sh%t have I been missing an awesome band. They tore up the stage, my ears and my musical heart. It was like listening to an early, visceral White Stripes.

As we reluctantly left the Blue Room for the second and last time today we grabbed our copies of the World’s Fastest Record and the re-release of Do Rabbits Wonder? by Whirlwind Heat. Such an awesome day of firsts.

There will be more to come tomorrow from the road home. For now, goodnight from Nashville.

 

RSD14 aka Best Day Ever Track-List:

High Ball Stepper

Lazaretto

Power of My Love

Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground

Freedom at 21

Three Women

Weep Themselves to Sleep

Love Interruption

Hello Operator

Just One Drink

Hotel Yorba

Would You Fight for My Love

Day Twenty Two

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Tn

So today’s post is way behind. I get it. But it’s the first thought up and written from the road – so give me a break! Nashville has been kind so far – 2/$3.50 Yuengling tall boys. Do you understand how lucky you are Yuengling states!?! Ugh!!! Any way; we checked in and settled in and are super pumped for the Bug show tomorrow. RSD14!!!!

First time eating at a Loving Hut in the US. Only other time was in Paris – super delicious and the cheesecake alone is worth a trip to Cincinnati just in case anyone is wondering. Don’t even get me started on the vegan mac’n’cheese I wanted to bathe in.

Day Twenty One

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hhdl

Packing today for our trip to Nashville. Super pumped for it, so get ready for some major boners the next few days over traveling with my love, seeing Jack White perform, shiny new vinyl records, exploring Nashville, enjoying delicious vegan food and more. Not today though. Today I want to pontificate a little about beliefs.

For the first time on this blog/exercise in avoiding therapy, whatever you want to call it, I will talk about religion and my beliefs. I was raised catholic, which of course means that I have since become alienated from the church and have no real interest in organized religion. When raised in the catholic faith you either get confirmed and move on once you’ve satisfied the parent(s) or you stick it out showing up late to mass and putting money in the basket every week for the rest of your life. That being said, I have always been interested in studying various religions, belief-systems, theologies and philosophies.

Overall, I can’t chose just one system that works for me. I pick and choose what helps me to explain the existence of space, time, us, the universe and life. I believe in karma, nothing is without consequences, you reap what you sow and you better sow some love or you will end up drowning in hate. I believe in the power of love and compassion. We can all be better people, we just need to work at it. We can all be happy, we need to work at that too. I wear my mala beads everyday because they are a talisman that remind me of what weights I carry, what I have to let go of and what I have to live for. I believe in the power of meditation and enlightening your mind to better understand your strengths and limitations. Enlightenment is truly something to work towards. We all need to help each other, and look out for other people.

I believe that I need to remind myself of the importance of compassion everyday and remember to practice it. We are all works in progress, perfection is unattainable and that is all part of the journey of life.

 

 

There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosphy is kindness.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama

 

 

Life is beauty through and through
Life is sunny, life is cool
Life is even easy too
But if my word is to be true
Life is something to behold
But if the truth is to be told
Let us not leave out any part
Do not fear, it’s safe to say it here
You will not be called a weakling nor a fraud
For feeling the pain of the whole wide world
You want to help but can’t help the feeling you cannot
And it’s killing you while you’re just trying to smile from your heart
So go on, say it, on the same knees you’re praying
Yes, life is hard

Come celebrate
Life is hard
Come celebrate Life is hard
Our life is all we are

Celebrate it in the sun, promenade it with everyone
Elevate it in a song
And I’ll be there to play it, don’t get me wrong
When I feel like dying and being gone
When life is hard
There’s just one thing, let’s not forget
Yes! life is it!
Life is it, life is it, it’s where it’s at
It’s getting skinny, getting fat
It’s falling deep into a love,
It’s getting crushed just like a bug
Life there’s no love, it’s getting beat into the ground
It’s getting lost and getting found,
To growing up and getting round
It’s feeling silence, feeling sound
It’s feeling lonely, feeling full
It’s feeling oh so beautiful!
Yes!

Come celebrate
Life is hard
Come celebrate
Life is hard
Our life is all we are

Life is Hard

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Day Twenty

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sb

Whoa! Made it to the big 2-0. Sooo…..yeah.

I actually had a fairly meaningful conversation with a coworker today about life and accomplishments. Mostly he talked, but I enjoyed listening. He spoke of regrets. Spending so many years of his life spoiling the wrong people, living for the wrong people. All he wants is his youth back, and all those years back, so he could have them now with his current wife. He loves her, he worships her, he wishes he could give her more, spoil her more, treat her to a better life now that he has her. He said he looks back at his almost 51 years and regrets that he hasn’t accomplished more – not so much for his own selfish reasons – but so he could have more of everything to share with his wife.

That is how I feel about my husband. I love him, I worship him, he deserves so much in and from life, he deserves to be spoiled. And I don’t mean materially. He deserves trips, time to do what he wants to do, to study what he wants to learn, he deserves the best of everything. I want so much to build a life worth living, that is meaningful and positive, a life that contributes towards a better world. I want to be successful so my husband and I can spend time living our lives together. Take trips, go to dinners and concerts and movies, adopt teenagers and help them through college and navigate life, treat friends and family to these luxuries, basically – just live. I mean everyone works to put food on the table, to pay the bills, to provide. But is that living? Or surviving?

Either way, it was the first time I have had a conversation like that with anyone other then my husband – and maybe my mom. Never have I discussed this with friends or family or anyone really. That kind of haunts me a little to think of it now. But at the same time – it was the first time I felt “outside” validation in wanting. It felt good.

In light of today’s discussion and ensuing afternoon of thought; I feel like I need to start working on a personal mission statement.

That sounds totally creepy and Joel Osteen-y. I hate that guy.

Okay, I digress. If I attempt to lay it all out in one sentence it would read as follows.

I want to build a successful business(es) in which I can hire friends and family that want the jobs, help support those that want to create their own, and foster an environment around me at all times that is centered on creating a more compassionate world through open-minded education, travel, giving of time and money, exploring and loving.

Kind of a run-on isn’t it? I need to work on that – but I think I just wrote out, for the first time, a mission statement for my life.

 

Random Thought of the Day: There is a group of theoretical physicists that suppose the birth of the universe could have occured after a four-dimensional star collapsed into a black hole and ejected debris. There is another group that believes our universe actually is existing inside of a black hole. And here I sit trying to figure out how f#%&ed up I am before I turn thirty. Certainly puts a different spin on things.